TLU: The Local Un-tax set at -6.5%

If you follow me on twitter you’ll know I’m all about local this and local that, and have recently even been wondering what the actual definition of ‘local’ should be in terms of food and food supply. The CFIA definition of within a 50km radius has stirred up much debate and even had me google mapping our suppliers to determine who was actually local according to these standards. ‘Local’ is a term we are all currently using as a way of describing our food these days, but it is also a noun used to describe a person belonging or relating to a particular area or neighbourhood…and that’s who we want to show our love to.

I’ve seen it happening gradually, and I’m sure it’s something a lot of restos struggle with, the people who supported us initially and through the off-season, ‘The Locals’ are now sometimes finding their fave table, which was always available Thursday at 10:15 is not available, or that it’s a full-house Saturday at noon when they could usually grab a quick breakfast, you are feeling pushed out by the not-so-regulars.

With the tourist season about to descend upon Niagara Falls, we wanted to take a moment and remind everyone about the locals, the ones who build us up and keep us going, you’ve all heard of the infamous Tourist Tax of Niagara Falls (which we don’t charge), well we are introducing TLU, The Local Un-tax! We love you locals, so any time you are in, mention that you qualify for TLU and we'll pay half your HST. Oh and there is no km radius limit on defining whether you are local or not, I think you’ll know. Thanks for your support, we couldn’t have gotten this far without our locals. <3

Currently we have not copyrighted TLU or The Local Un-tax, so if you too are a business who would like to appreciate your locals, feel free to use TLU or The Local Un-tax to do so, the rate is currently set at -6.5%. :0)

The end of the Mayan calendar, just what is going to happen?

Many theories have been heard bouncing round The Regal about what's going to happen on Dec 21 2012, the last day in the Mayan calendar. Theories range from 'Absolutely nothing will happen,' to spontaneous planetary combustion.
Lots and lots of theories. But my favourite one, and clearly the most plausible one, is the one that combines a) food, with b) Aliens.

The theory starts with the Mayan calendar, which, as we all know, was given to the Mayans by Aliens. And what that calendar was, was a temporal roadmap of Our future, starting when the calendar was first dropped off to the Mayans. This start-point marked a time-frame within which the Alien plan would come to fruition; an inter-galactic business-plan if you will, whose completion date happens to be next week.

But unfortunately, when The Calendar was given, it was only the time-frame, neither the objective nor the method were included. And more unfortunately, both are just now coming to light right at 'The Plan's' completion . And even MORE unfortunately is the awareness of the 'Why;' it's like getting some kind of horrible epiphany about 'depth' just as you step off that cliff:

The control of our global food supply.

Just why is it SO laden with chemicals and inappropriate bits of foreign DNA? Just why are there so very very few controlling the food supply of so so many?

Just who IS controlling our food and why is it being executed so poorly?... or is it??....

Now here's the fun part: The theory's basis is that some advanced Alien 'People' are 'fattening us up' with what THEY require for a healthy body, Who, at the end of the Mayan calendar, are going to round us up, slaughter butcher and eat us. After all, we're open-range, well most of us.

So on that final day of the Mayan calendar, a great grey fleet, motherships of steel, miles high, will descend through the clouds and resolve to glistening black abattoirs as they sink their claws into the ground, ready to begin their grisly work.

I just hope that when my time comes, and I walk up that silver ramp, that at the end of it, it's some sort of Alien tesla-boltgun, and I'm not just cut and left to dangle,
swinging out to bleed.

Incidentally, it was astutely pointed out to me that it only stands to reason that if we are the 'organic' open-ranging free-willed form of Their 'chicken,' then somewhere out-there there's probably a planet whose whole 'edible species' is massively housed across continents in thousands and thousands of miles of racks and racks and racks of cages, and fed a crappy diet of clean, non-chemically grown feed.

Which, by the way, according to the theory, links Big Ag -through chemicals and gene-splicing- to Big Pharma and Their Ilk: the Ones Who're coming at the end of the week to close Their deal.

So there you have it, obviously the most plausible theory of the bunch: Aliens farming and grooming Us over millennia within a planned time-frame revealed only to one specific Stone-Age culture which culminates next week in human charcuterie plates on Alien tables.

Well I say regardless of what happens: Stay strong, hope high, and shoot for the stars!

So I'd like to be served with fresh seasonal fruit, chewy breads, a big fat Borolo and a silky slab of Brie.

\ô/

Chef Argon is the only member of his own non-existent Community Editorial Board, and as such has pretty much free-reinge. Complaints can be ignored @ChefArgon on Twitter.

For the Love of Meat

(this was the guy who said he didn't think it mattered what our livestock eats, an hr later he returned with this poem)


Cows eat grass and pigs eat junk;
That’s their diet; I could live without.
When it comes to fine cuts and licking platters clean
It’s nice to know their diet to keep our health so keen.

Seeing choicest cuts on a deli shop display
How can the consumer know, the diet for the day?
What goes in the animal besides the grass and meds?
And all the growth and chemicals to our body it is fed.

Now I stop and think; a diet is so real
The farmer has responsibility on the package there to seal

And so we have our diets, and what is eating me

Are the fields that rich and healthy as we lose our honey bee?

By David Smith a.k.a The Bible Poet
December 8, 2012

Organic - a loose term

I was recently un-followed and blocked on twitter by a potential supplier, this was the reaction I was expecting when I began to question their ‘organic’ claims. The word ‘organic’ is being thrown around way too much these days, it has become a trend and to use it in order to make money without a true understanding and appreciation for what it truly is, is not cool. This un-follower who has a local business and uses the word ‘organic’ in their business name, came to me selling their product with a very well thought out sales pitch about luxury quality products that are all organic. When the sales pitch was over and I had time to go through the samples, I quickly realized that it’d be virtually impossible for all of the ingredients to be ‘certified’ organic or ‘truly’ organic, which by the way are two entirely different things and which brings me back to the word organic being thrown around too much.

If you look at the Canadian and US organic certification and labeling regulations you will see that an ‘organic’ stamp or label cannot truly determine how cleanly that product was grown or produced, especially if it was on a mass scale. As an organic gardener who has had her hands in more chicken manure and goat berry tea than most, who combatted an acre of couch grass with barn scrapings, who euthanized baby chicks, has been elbow deep in a goat’s privates and was at Nature’s mercy for many years, I truly understand the trials and tribulations that a true organic farmer, certified or not, has, and I have the utmost respect for them and their use of the word ‘organic’.

Please folks, let’s save the term ‘organic’, from being merely a trend supported by a label. Buy stuff that is truly organic whether ‘certified’ or not, hug those dedicated farmers who truly care, and boycott those who have chosen to use the term just because it’s currently lucrative……and don’t buy ‘organic’ shit from Walmart. O_o

A Christmas recipe from my mum

My mum sent me this family recipe this morning, you'll see I come by who I am honestly.

Once again this year, I’ve had requests for my Vodka Christmas Cake recipe so here goes. Please keep in your files as I am beginning to get tired of typing this up every year! (Made mine this morning!!!!) 1 cup sugar, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1......bottle Vodka, 2 cups dried fruit.
Sample a cup of Vodka to check quality.
Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again to be sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to make sure the Vodka is still OK. Try another cup just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eegs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the fruit up off the floor, wash it and put it in the bowl a piece at a time trying to count it. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit getas stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver Sample the Vodka to test for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something. Check the Vodka. Now shit shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window. Finish the Vodka and wipe the counter with the cat

Soupstock: Don't dig it man.

Given my food-centred world, my tree-hugging water-warrior background and hippie-homesteading years, it’s no shocker that a ‘mega-quarry versus environment scenario’ would drive me to unsheathe my Whisk of Wrath, rally my troop, slap on the Sixties and march, to Soupstock!

Soupstock is this October’s follow-up to last October’s Foodstock, a food-based protest which drew almost 30,000 people. Co-hosted by the Canadian Chefs’ Congress and the David Suzuki Foundation, Soupstock will see 200 Canadian Chefs coming together for what could be the world’s largest ever culinary protest. And what they are protesting –and raising awareness of- is a proposed mine, an open-pit limestone-aggregate mine whose owners boast would be the second largest open-pit mine in all of North America! … which, truthfully, isn’t really as great as it sounds. You see the proposed 2300 acre mine-site sits atop the Niagara Escarpment at the headwaters, or water source, of five major river systems, watersheds who not only deliver drinking water to a million-odd people, countless animals, and feed innumerable small ecosystems, but whose waters have produced some of the most fertile agricultural cropland in Ontario, and now American owned The Highland Companies would like to strip 2300 acres of that farmland, and dig down 200 ft while pumping out 600 million liters of freshwater a day just to extract ‘aggregates,’ which I believe is a fancy term for ‘gravel,’ tiny rocks, which unfortunately are a fundamental ingredient of concrete. So say you wanted to dam up a river or build an oil pipeline, build a housing survey or two 600 foot towers down by The Falls, well aggregates would be your buddy, and so would Highland Corp’s mega-quarry.

The whole story is tie-dyed like a 60’s social-justice movie: Foreign Mega-corp (bully) covertly buys up long-held family farms (deceit), which we all find out was a cover story for something more sinister. In this case The Highland Companies quietly bought up potato farms all the while maintaining they were going to continue potato farming. But then neighbours noticed ‘activity’ not normally associated with spud production on Highland property. Well one thing led to another and boom! Out it came: A limestone mega-quarry, a lime-mine, which to me sounds frighteningly close to landmine. The mine is proposed to run 24/7, 150 trucks in and 150 trucks out every hour of every day for decades, ultimately removing billions of tons of limestone while all the time feverishly pumping out and diverting 660 million litres of water a day directly from the heart-waters of an entire eco-region just to get at those tiny rocks.

If you go to The Highland Companies website, they say that their mega-quarry is located at such an awesome site that it “can be operated to maximum production with no adverse affects on its neighbours or the environment.” I mean seriously? Who would believe that crap?

Well I guess the Province of Ontario might, but let’s hope they don’t, because it’s the Province that decides if Highland gets the go-ahead or not. Yikes.

For something so simple as rocks, the whole thing seems mind-bogglingly complex, you’d save yourself time by slapping on the Hendrix and hitting the bong for that reeling spinny-head feeling.

But for me it’s simple, it’s a no-brainer: Rocks & Money vs Food & Water. In this rising climate of global panic and shortage: 1 billion without freshwater, 2 billion without food … it’s a no-brainer: Keep your rocks in your heads.

So onward gastric soldiers! to Soupstock we march! where at Woodbine Park in Toronto on October 21 we shall bite for our freedom! Loft your spoons high and please come have some ‘bowl-food’ at Soupstock … and keep on truckin’ … except for the mega-quarry trucks.



Simon Kelly is a member of The Review’s Community Editorial Board and if anyone cares to, may be reached through TheRegalDiner.com or @ChefArgon on Twitter

Good News and Great News

First the good news: Simon (@chefargon) will be one of 200 Chefs participating in Soupstock 2012 in Toronto on October 21.

Soupstock is a mega-culinary event being hosted by the Canadian Chef's Congress and David Suzuki Foundation in order to raise awareness about the Highland Companies' proposed limestone mega-quarry that would destroy over 2300 acres of farmland and watersheds in the Township of Melancthon, 100 kms northwest of Toronto, and to inform people of the ongoing efforts to stop this mega-quarry, which would be the 2nd largest open pit mine in North America.

Take our farming background and the years of watershed protection activism we have under our belts and add that to our business philosophy of providing clean, locally sourced quality hand crafted food at a reasonable price, and you get us closing down our business for a day to serve up some delicious locally sourced Niagara Harvest Borscht alongside 200 other Chefs serving up their own delicious soups to tens of thousands of people, in order to raise awareness of how important precious farmland and clean healthy waterways are...especially in this day of being on the verge of global collapse and World food shortage.

Our goal is to make us much Borscht as we can, using only Niagara ingredients, and as much organic as possible, and we are asking for your help to show that farming region that this farming region cares.  We are looking for donations of the following local ingredients, if you can help, please let me know theregaldiner at gmail dot com or @theregaldiner or phone me 905.351.2524.  You will be mentioned as a contributor to the cause.  Thank you.

Chicken carcasses, potatoes, beets, cabbage, onions, celery, carrots, fresh dill, tomatoes (canned is OK), butter, cream, sour cream, unbleached white flour.

Also, over the past years we've been on the twitter, through the foodtruck and now the diner, we've 'met' a number of resto owners, chef's, cookers, servers and more, we'd love to meet you face to face, in fact we've seen tweets threatening this, ;0) @chefjaynutt.  Let's all meet up @ #Soupstock !!! Get in touch with Miriam, she's awesome (miriam@soupstock.ca), make some soup, or just come with a bowl and a spoon and we'll see you in Toronto at Woodbine Park Sunday October 21st, from 11-4.

p.s. Soupstock is a follow up to last year's Foodstock which drew 28 000 supporters, and is expected to draw tens of thousands more, google them both, or ask me for more info.

Oh right, now for the great news.....#Soupstock is October 21, the Niagara Half-Marathon is the day before, we can't possibly close our business two days in a row....for the good of the cause I've had to sacrifice the half-marathon.....  

;o)  

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